Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The One

Young people seeking a mate are very interested in knowing whether the current person that they are dating is "the one."  Should they come to a coffee klatsch of more than four over-fifty year old women, within 45 minutes, the klatsch will be happy to tell you both whether you can make it or whether you should break up now.  I believe that I can (with about 85% accuracy) predict whether a couple will make it after talking to both of them over dinner.

How can that be, you ask?  Well, the answer is "common values."  What sociologists have long known, with various studies to back them up, is that couples with shared outlooks on life make the best partners.   The prospective mate must share enough attitudes and outlook with the person presenting him or her.  He or she must have the potential to be a "common traveler" on the road that is life.  Too divergent values and attitudes, especially where they are strongly held by one or both, does not make for a sound relationship that is not filled with tension and friction. Personalities may be very different and complimentary, but values should be similar. Sharing an esoteric interest without a lot more, no matter how interesting or passionate the two partners are, will not suffice in the long run.  This is the case because bungie jumping, scuba, competitive chess, video gaming, whatever, does not figure largely into the day-to-day issues that arise in real life.

It is attitudes about money, religion, politics, child-raising, cleanliness, socializing, etc. that are the real deal-makers and breakers.  So date that exotic person to your heart's content, but if you are looking for "the one", best to look through your friends, in your educational group, professional circles, and your neighborhood.

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