Saturday, November 30, 2013

That Trashy Look

A young woman friend of Aunt Josie's approached her with a repeating complaint.  She wondered why she could not attract and/or find any high-quality men.  Acknowledging that she received plenty of attention from members of the male sex, she despaired about finding someone with whom she could form a meaningful relationship.  Without pulling any punches, Aunt Josie told her that she should re-examine how she dresses, her make-up and how she presents herself to the world at large.

Aunt Josie is no prude and has no problem with young and not-so-young women dressing suggestively if that is the image they want others to have of them.  However, dressing in a highly suggestive manner will not bring high quality men who wish to settle into their orbit.  It will garner much attention, but no real takers.  Suggestive dress and make-up also distracts men from exploring beyond the way a woman looks into her personality and internal make-up.  The man is too busy thinking about the sexual possibilities to contemplate the person beyond the externals.

Another interesting problem posed by suggestive dress is animosity from other women.  A recent article in the Science section of the New York Times set out the cattiness manifested by ostensible friends and acquaintances of a woman who was dressed suggestively.  Since friends are very helpful in introducing single women to high-quality male friends and acquaintances, this type of animosity can prove a real barrier to meeting potential mates through female friends.

So, Aunt Josie's "unadorned" advice is to drop the vamp look and dress more conservatively.  You need not sacrifice beauty, simply dress and apply make-up to achieve a more refined image.  When meeting someone worth investing in, you will not need to worry about whether they are just interested in you sexually because you will have presented a much fuller image of the genuine you.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Giving Real Gifts over the Holidays

Aunt Josie is not really addressing an inquiry but more or less making a suggestion as the rush of the holidays overtakes us.  Many of us spend entirely too much time trying to find the "right" material present for the ones we love when a genuine gift is right before our eyes.  We can give the gift of our time.  This is especially true for gifts to children who probably don't need another toy or gizmo to add to the pile in their bedroom.  Taking them to the zoo, to the children's museum, to a park, or to any child-centered activity, and being really attentive during the experience, helps to build a lasting relationship with the child.  If a material gift is absolutely necessary, a gift which invites participation with you, the giver, whether it be a craft activity or a game, beats any present where the child is engaged in a solitary pursuit.

A great aunt, uncle, grandparent, or any family member can write each grandchild (great niece or nephew) or any child recipient a hand-written letter (perhaps not to be opened until later in the child's life) each year simply providing information about the extended family, the love that is felt for the child, and observations about the child's current status and development.  These letters can show a level of care far greater than the time expended to write them.

The same logic applies to the elderly, many of whom are trying to escape from clutter and material "things".  Almost all of them, however, would appreciate a visit and/or tangible offers to complete tasks that are difficult for them to perform themselves or an offer to accompany them on trip outside of their home. They might like an excursion, such as walking or sitting in the outdoors in a park, or stopping at a coffee shop, book store, or any other place that they would like to visit, but where going solo is difficult.

Gifts of service, such as childcare, senior care, the performance of home repair or maintenance tasks, and gifts of remembrance such as scrapbooks, photos, or handwritten letters are also usually appreciated by loved ones of any age. The key to these types of promises to perform tasks, is, however, follow through.  It goes without saying that it is meaningless to make "promise" gifts if one never gets around to fulfilling the promise.

So before you purchase that holiday sweater, perfume, tie, etc., think what you can really give to that special someone.  You won't regret it.