Putting Your Best Self Forward

In dating, especially when using on-line dating forums, there is a tendency on the part of prospective partners to disclose too much about themselves too soon in the dating process.  People do this in hopes of impressing their potential partner, or to get the negative "stuff" (possible deal breakers) out there right away, or to simply let the prospective partner see their "authentic" self in hopes of longed for acceptance.  In the case of women, in particular, but also men, this is a losing strategy. Revealing too much too soon robs you of "mystery" and there has to be some mystery for romance to bloom.  Showing too much excitement about the other person can easily be misinterpreted as neediness in the first four or five dating encounters.  Answering inquiries truthfully while highlighting the positives, remaining light, playful, and slightly aloof is by far a better strategy until the potential partner gets to know you better and wants to uncover the next layer to find a deeper, more genuine you.  Better to leave the person wanting to get to know more about you for the first half dozen-dates or encounters.

Taking things slowly and optimistically by presenting a carefully cultivated nonchalance that one may not genuinely feel, i.e., playing slightly hard to get, is age old advice from the old 1950's neighborhood coffee klatch, but it WORKS!

So don't list your accomplishments (they can Google your for that info).  Don't roll out a list of negatives, like informing the person of any health problems, poor family relationships, etc.  Simply enjoy the person and evaluate whether you have enough in common to continue seeing him or her.  After a month or two, when the person has gotten to know you a bit better, these conversations will arise naturally in response to inquiries from the other person and explanations will not have such a serious impact as they would earlier in the relationship.

So cultivate a little mystery and hold something of yourself back initially.  It will benefit you in the long run.