Can I put up with him (her)?

Thinking about compatibility or, more to the point, incompatibility, when evaluating a potential mate is not something that jumps to the fore in the throws of first love and romance.  However, once a person becomes a serious contender as a mate/spouse, the question posed in the title of this blog should take center stage and get primary consideration.  Can you put up with the way he laughs?  the way she interrupts in conversation? her continuous insecurity? his tireless reiteration of the same three stories highlighting his physical prowess?

No one is perfect, of course.  However, we can tolerate certain flaws in our partner while other deficits can drive us nuts.  When relationships are new and exciting, no one wants to even think about imperfections in their potential partner.   However, as the relationship matures and the warts inevitably show, it is much smarter to acknowledge, analyze, and evaluate whether you can accept the person, warts and all, and live with the imperfections.  Thinking that you can "change" or "improve" your partner is unrealistic and ultimately a recipe for a disastrous end to the relationship.  While people can and do change and improve themselves in many small and subtle ways if they themselves are motivated to do so, normally what you see is what you get.  So the smart decision is to ask oneself the question "Can I put up with her (or him) as (s)he presents herself (himself) today?"  If the answer is "no," save yourself some heartbreak and keep on looking.

I'm Sorry

Two little words, but very powerful when stated or withheld.  How many times can a serious argument (where one partner has hurt the other's feelings) be resolved with a simple, but heartfelt, apology.  Yet we are often reluctant to do so.  It is as if by apologizing, even when we genuinely believe that we are not at fault, we have somehow weakened ourselves in the context of power within the relationship.  The converse is also true.  A fleeting, disingenuous "Sorry" can exacerbate a situation and increase the receiving person's anger.  Sometimes apologizing for hurting someone's feelings, hitting below the belt, or going to areas where your partner or friend is absolutely sensitive, while acknowledging that you have to agree to disagree on the merits of the argument, is the best that you can do.  However, a little less pride and a little more willingness to be the first one to to take some responsibility for the disagreement will go a long way to ensuring that the love and affection that you have for your partner or friend will endure. So don't be afraid to sincerely apologize, even when you are in the right!
In the long run, it might just be the smart thing to do.