The Family Narrative

Aunt Josie was struck by the recent studies showing that children who understand that they are part of a larger whole in terms of family do better academically.  The March 17 Sunday Style section of the New York Times article "The Stories that Bind Us" contains some very provocative information about resilience in children who know about their family history in terms of warding off stress.  Children who could answer such questions as "Do you know where your grandparents grew up?" "Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school?" "Where they met?"  "Do you know about an illness or something terrible that happened to your family?" "Do you know the story of your birth?" scored higher in having a sense of control over their own lives.  They also scored significantly higher in self-esteem. Scoring high on this scale turned out to be the single best predictor of children's emotional health and happiness.

Family histories were classified into three groups: ascendent, descendant and oscillating.  The ascendant narrative is the "your grandparents had nothing, I'm doing better and you will do much better" type of family story.    Descendant is "We used to have it all, but we have been losing everything lately."  Oscillating is "As a family, we have had our ups and downs, but no matter what has happened, we have stuck together as a group".  The article suggests that the oscillating family narrative is the best and most healthful for children.

So what can we take from this.  First, multigenerational families matter.  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. all contribute to building a sense of family.  Second, children need to hear both the positives and the negatives of the family's experience.  They need to know that they are part of something larger than themselves which will survive.  Finally, anything that creates unity and strong family bonds will help your child in grounding him with respect to his place in the world.  A family theme song, family holiday traditions, kind family jokes, and family reunions now turn out to be important assets helping children decrease stress and survive in an increasingly complex world.  So, promote the family story, it helps children grow.