The Window

There is a window in young lives when most people find "the one" and start building a future together.  There are some, however, who disregard this window altogether.  They do so because they genuinely believe that anything is possible and that they need not worry about the future or because they cannot find anyone who meets all of their criteria, or because they are involved in a romantic-exotic-troubled relationship.  This is especially true for young women who may ignore their "reproductive clocks,"  nesting-/home building instincts,  the drive to mature and establish roots.   The person may be reluctant to abandon an unsuitable partner because they have invested substantial time and emotional capital into the relationship. Even knowing that the relationship will not withstand the vagaries of real commitment, they allow even more time to elapse during the crucial window without abandoning that partner and looking for someone more suitable.

Good things, especially in the self-awareness department, can sometimes come from these exotic romances.  But a young person involved in this type of relationship, which she knows deep-down will prove ultimately  unfullfilling and  unsuccessful, should hedge her bets.  If you are a woman who is fairly certain that you want children, but are not certain that the man you are seeing is the "one," serious consideration should be given to culling and freezing your eggs during your early to mid thirties.

An even better hedge is to forswear exclusivity and to keep dating others-- being honest with the person with whom you are having the exotic relationship. Your honesty about why you do not wish to be exclusive will give you and your partner greater insight as to what your relationship really means and how deep it is.

Rather than hedging, you may simply choose to wait without a partner.  This leaves you available when a suitable candidate does appear.  Clearly one can be concerned about not finding the right person during the window, but being involved with the wrong person throughout the entire window period and /or accumulating lots of emotional baggage during that time, only exacerbates the problem.

You can extend you own "window" by making yourself the most interesting attractive person that you can be and leaving yourself as emotionally free as possible.  Being involved with a person who is not going to end up the "one" when you have made a serious investment narrows opportunity and leaves you depleted for acting when someone with true potential arrives.  So, don't dawdle forever when it is apparent that the relationship is not going where you want it to go.  Hedge your bets if you can, or better yet, improve prospects by staying relatively free to respond when someone with genuine potential appears.