In many families, one parent is the "enforcer" while the other is the "pushover." Children very quickly understand which is which and will attempt full on manipulation of the"pushover." This dynamic is not particularly healthy for either the children or the parents. Parents should always attempt to discuss and hopefully agree about discipline strategies, what activities are age appropriate for their children, and who is responsible for what chores in the household. Ideally these discussions take place privately before the children are included so that the parents are on the same page.
If there is no opportunity to discuss the issue in advance and one parent is approached regarding any of the above. The approached parent should immediately respond with "What does your (mother/father) say?" Also, if possible, all major decisions should be deferred until the approached parent can consult with the other parent. Very few decisions require immediate action without consultation.
Another positive strategy is for the parent to turn the tables on the child asking the child if he were the parent what decision would he make. By consulting with each other and devising appropriate parameters for their children, parents can attempt to escape the extremes of the above-referred to roles. Allowing the "pushover" to deliver restrictions on occasion and allowing the "enforcer" to be the one to grant a wish shares the duties and fun of parenting.
Giving reasons for the decision, whatever it may be, shows the children that you considered their request seriously and that you as a unit will not act arbitrarily. Parents will enjoy the job more if each gets to be a "pushover" some times and the "enforcer" at other times. Allowing one parent to always be the killjoy while the other gets to be the playful prince or princess is unfair and will breed resentment between the parents. Unity is the goal here as it will affect how the child views you both separately and together.
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