This is a common lament made by one party in a caring relationship. Often, it is a parent who says this to a teenager or adult child when he or she feels "shut out" of that child's life. It may also be said by one lover to the other in a committed relationship when it looks to the complainer as if his or her partner grants another access to problems or personal information of which the lover was unaware. What the person making the lament is really saying is "You are moving away from me because you are not sharing these intimate details of your life with me. I am afraid I am losing a close connection with you."
If you feel compelled to make this statement, you should listen very carefully to the addressee's response. If the response is" I am not telling you because you cannot keep a secret," this is very different from deflection, a shrug, or a candid "I feel more comfortable talking about these things with so and so." One can try to remedy the former disclosure problem. However, without a clear reason for why one is not being trusted, all of the responses are much more difficult to deal with.
Whatever the response, a frank discussion of hopes and expectations can never hurt. Moreover, sharing one's own intimate problems, perceptions, and aspirations (insofar as is age appropriate in the case of a parent) will help you re-establish a degree of intimacy. Make sure to let the person with whom you hope to maintain that intimacy know that you are "on their side." Also be clear with your loved one that you will always be there for them no matter what they choose to share or keep private. These two assurances will help to keep the relationship a close one.
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