Regrets (and Not Having Them)

Everyone will at sometime have regrets.  Generally, regrets fall into only two categories: regrets due to inaction and regrets due to acting (often in retrospect, incorrectly).  A recent article in TNW   listed the top 5 regrets that people had on their death bed.  They are as follows: (1) wishing they had lived a life true to oneself rather than trying to live up to expectations of others; (2) wishing they had not worked so hard; (3) wishing they had the courage to express their true feelings; (4) wishing that they had kept up with certain friendships; and (5) wishing they had allowed themselves to be happy.

Of the five, three are regrets due to inaction.  Not being authentic around people and not allowing oneself to genuinely enjoy one's life are truly regrettable omissions. However, these regrets are easily correctable at any stage in life if one has sufficient courage.  It is not even necessary to make up your mind to live an "Edith Piaf" type of life.  What is necessary is to adopt a "What you see is what you get" type of attitude in most human relationships.  If you  undertake direct, sincere communication without the gamesmanship, genuinely expressing your thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs you can cut through much of the posturing and passive/aggressive behavior that leads to insecurity and depression.

A very attractive, popular young women once took me into the cafeteria of her high school.  As we surveyed the social scene at the various tables, she remarked to me that all of the tables would welcome here based upon her looks and popularity, but that none of these other teenagers at the table knew the "real" her and if they did they probably would not like her.  This was a heartbreaking remark.  Because of her youth, she could be forgiven for her inauthenticity and the resulting depression it caused, but what is a twenty-seven year old woman's or a thirty-two year old man's excuse for that same inauthenticity?  Being afraid that people will not like and accept the real person that you are creates many more insecurities than having one or two people reject the "genuine" you that you manifest.  In some ways, putting yourself out there initially, saves you from the pain of rejection at a later time.  You find out who is attracted to the real you.  Those that are not, leave under the "take it, or leave it" approach that you project.  You suffer, perhaps a small hurt at the outset, but you are spared rejection after you drop the facade of your false projections.

Adopting a "what you see is what you get "approach is also very freeing.  You can feel free to pursue  your own happiness, and to permit yourself to express your true emotions.  Other people observe, and are attracted to, the man or woman who knows his or her own mind and puts it out for others to share. It takes bravery to make this simple transformation in your life but the rewards are great.  So eliminate three of the above biggie regrets by daring to be genuine and to tell it like it is.  You won't regret it!