Saturday, June 4, 2011

Reinforcement (Both Positive and Negative)

Children, no matter what their age, are usually open to new experiences.  This is especially true when it comes to food.  It is a serious mistake for parents to censor or comment upon a child's dislikes when the child has perhaps rejected a food one time.  I have often observed the food on the way to the child's mouth or even in the child's mouth when the parent comments that "she doesn't like that" and the morsel is immediately rejected.   Other negative parental declarations can  negatively impact the child's opinion of himself.  For example: "He's afraid of dogs!"  "She's shy!"  "She's afraid of heights!", when heard and internalized by the child, all serve to limit the child's experiences rather than to encourage exploration and development of an adventurous attitude.

It is far better to allow the child to genuinely taste something new.  If it is rejected, acceptance of the rejection can be accompanied by an explanation that your tastes change quite a bit and that you expect them to taste something at least five or six times before they form a definite like or dislike.  Also positive parental observations, even if they stretch the current reality, such as "Amy is a good eater." encourage the child to live up to that attribute.

How much better it is to explain to a child that she or he may be afraid of that particular dog because he is big or barking or whatever rather than to categorize one or two experiences with dogs into the conclusion that the child is afraid of all dogs.  If the child does indeed continue to show fear of all dogs, the concerned parent can make sure that the child has a positive experience with a small affectionate dog and build from there.

Fears such as fear of heights can also be tackled in similar fashion.  You can explain to the child that this particular height at this time is a little scary but that as he grows, he probably will not be so afraid.  What not to do is to insist that the child overcome his fear immediately because that may reinforce and cement those feelings.

Encouraging, but not insisting upon new experiences, lets the child know that it is okay to explore and then form his own opinion about something.  He should feel secure knowing that he can reject a taste or an activity without repercussions.  But he should also know that he may be asked to taste something again or to interact with an animal or person again and that he may feel differently the second, third or fifth time around.

It is true that some children are more naturally curious, or timid, or sensitive.  A discerning parent will work with the personality type to make sure the child's world keeps expanding.  The parent knows the best way to introduce new experiences for the child's personality type, but the key is to keep reinforcing the positive.  If you genuinely believe that your children are, or will be good eaters, they will try to live up to that reputation.

If you encourage exploration while providing security, the child will most likely allow its natural curiosity to emerge.  You set the stage and then let your child star in the drama that is his or her own life.

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