Having It All

The article in the Atlantic a few weeks ago,  http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020, caused quite a stir in the young mother community.  Aunt Josie has been mulling the impact of it for a some time and concedes that Anne-Marie Slaughter  has a point or two.  Aunt Josie always counseled that you can have it all, but only sequentially.  She is now forced to reconsider this advice. When women had their children in their late twenties, there was still time to recover one's career and advance after the children left home (when the woman was in her late forties).  Now, however, with women choosing to continue their education and/or advance in their careers until their mid to late 30's, Aunt Josie must reluctantly agree with Slaughter that the choice to have children and raise them oneself may now be an either/or proposition in terms of advancing in one's career.

Aunt Josie does disagree with Slaughter on some very significant points.  First, it does matter who one partners with to have and raise children.  Mr. Mom and/or any partner who can and will assume household and child-rearing responsibilities adequately will make one's life significantly easier.  Second, the degree of desire and determination that one has to rise to the top of one's profession is always balanced against what is going on in anyone's personal life.  Both women and men must engage in this balancing act to take care of elderly parents, disabled family members, as well as children.  Slaughter suggests that only women must engage in this balancing act and sacrifice career for family or personal life.  This simply is not the case.

So what is a young, forward thinking woman to do?  First, accept that there is always a balancing act existing between one's (selfish/ personal) choices such as career, education,outside interests, etc., and one's responsibilities to others (family/relationship needs, desires, dictates).  Look ahead and anticipate these conflicts and make general and specific priorities.  Accept that you are not a superwoman, but an everywoman. Build a little time into your life for your own interests. But, in the end, plot your course considering both your interests and those of your family and do not second-guess yourself.

Aunt Josie maintains that if you do this, it is still possible to raise healthy, happy children and engage in meaningful work and outside activities.  Not easy, but certainly not impossible!