Falling for Bad Boys (or Girls)

It is amazing to Aunt Josie that many young professionals who are extremely cautious in their business relationships and dealings who exercise discretion, deliberation, and reason in how they conduct themselves professionally then turn around and become extremely reckless with their personal relationships.  They pick up a "bad" boy (or girl) who they know deep down inside of themselves will take them on a dramatic roller coaster to nowhere, if they are extremely lucky.  If unlucky, they are letting a person into their life who will bring negative karma, bad vibrations, and create serious problems for them.  So why would you treat the quest for your life mate less seriously or differently than your efforts to improve yourself professionally?

Security

No matter what one's age is --from infant to old person--human beings need to feel secure.  They need to feel secure in the love of the people who care for them or who are the closest to them.  If you cannot make your child or elderly parent secure in your love, caring, and interest in their well-being, the child will not develop properly and the elder will not be able to relax and prosper.

Providing a partner with a sense of security, i.e., assurance that they are loved and cared for above everyone,  is an intrinsic component to a happy, long-term, intimate relationship.  No one wants to open up and share their most innermost thoughts and history with someone whom they do not trust.  Allowing your partner to always know that you love them and proving by your actions that you are there for them gives them the freedom to truly reveal who they are and to enjoy the relationship to the maximum.  Offering this type of security to your child will result in an emotionally strong, caring, confident young adult.  Reassuring an elderly person that you will always be there gives them peace of mind and frees them from unnecessary worries about what will happen to them in the future.  So, if you love someone, commit, and reassure them that you will be there for the long haul!

The Drama Lifestyle

Want a good life!  Seek out normalcy and the ordinary!  Perhaps because so many young adults grew up watching "soaps" or Jerry Springer-type daytime TV shows, what is normal and ordinary behavior is often blurred.  At no other time than in one's late twenties and early thirties do we have the sense that we are "starring" in their own lives. Along with this starring role comes a tendency to seek out drama. This may consists of dramatic friends (to whom we refer fondly as characters) and experiences outside of our comfort zones (adventures which may or may not be healthy for us.) While a little drama can be a healthy spice to our life, living a dramatic life is ultimately unfulfilling and exhausting.

Our culture does not encourage the normal and ordinary either.  The overt messages from the media are that one should "Party on!" "Work hard, play hard" and "Fall for that tall, dark, handsome/beautiful, mysterious stranger."  All of this is pure baloney.

If you don't want to jeopardize your romantic relationship, think less partying at bars with strangers and more candlelit dinners with your partner. If you don't want to get involved in a friend's crazy "bad vibes," arrange short, supportive coffees in public places rather than an afternoon of "sturm and drang" (rehashing, listening to hysterics, etc.).  Being dragged into other peoples' antics leaves you less powerful and capable of dealing with your own real issues.

Studies have shown that contentment ultimately brings greater happiness than exhilaration.  So a little exhiiaration and drama may be fine, but constantly remaining in a state of crises, or creating situations which result in drama for yourself and others leaves little time for pursuit of the things that really matter in life.

Relationship Purgatory

What do you do when you are in relationship purgatory?  You know the person's not "the One" intellectually, but you do not have a "love jones," i.e., romantic addiction to that person. They are, however, hovering around in your life and they are convenient.  Moving on and up can be more difficult than for the person with the love addiction because those folks know that they are addicted to the person who is definitely not right for them and often makes them feel terrible about themselves.  In relationship purgatory, the other person is often "in love" with you and may be a genuinely wonderful person, just not a good fit for you as a mate.  How does one escape?  The short answer is that you must definitively and strongly cut ties.  You probably cannot be a "friend" to this person without falling back into purgatory.  If you can move or dramatically change your circumstances, it's easier.  If not, just as with those who have "love addictions," you must stay vigilant and extremely strong to escape.

Dating others and keeping busy really does help.  Not dwelling on your feelings of loneliness also helps.  Convenience and inaction will not get you what you want.  You have to be strong, cut the ties, and keep looking for the One, who is out there somewhere.