Assisting Children in Overcoming their Weaknesses

As children develop, they exhibit certain strengths and weakness.  Like most adults, they usually want to concentrate on activities where they are already competent and have strong skills.  Permitting children to focus, or concentrate exclusively or primarily, on activities where they have already demonstrated mastery or strong skills is, however, a mistake.

Children need to be challenged to leave their comfort zone and to try new things.  They need to be applauded for their attempts, especially when they are unsuccessful initially.  This is the time when it is especially important to encourage them to keep trying. Repeatedly explaining as often as is necessary that  failure followed by more practice is an inherent and intrinsic part of learning is crucial.  Assisting the child to repeat the practice of the skill for as many times as it takes until mastery is achieved is also important.  When the child balks, this can be a very unpleasant part of parenting, but it is your job to insure that your child is well-rounded and developmentally on target.

Older children and teens often become stuck when it comes to overcoming their deficits because of their desire to perform perfectly the first time.  They may be so locked into this attitude that they refuse to attempt any new activity which cannot be accomplished with perfection the first time round. The best remedy for this attitude of "not trying unless I can do it perfect" is parental modeling.  The parent should attempt new activities and show that the world does not end if the endeavor ends in failure.  The parent should demonstrate determination with repeated attempts and practice accompanied by sense of humor until the task or endeavor is accomplished. Then the child sees and understands that success usually does not occur without initial failure and repeated practice attempts.

Whether it is development of gross or small motor skills in a toddler, participating in  sports, musical, or  artistic endeavosr as a grade school or pre-teen child, or the mastering of  a difficult school subject as a teen-ager, the parent must set the standard of expectations.  If you let your child avoid all the "hard" things in life, he or she will not grow up to be an independent whole person.  Aunt Josie is not suggesting that you drive your child perfectionism in all endeavors.  Rather, where a child is impacted by his inability to perform a task or activity that he should be able to accomplish, the parent should make sure that he continues to work on accomplishing the task.

So, tiger mother or father aside, encourage your child to practice and to stick it out when the going gets tough.  You will not regret it in the long run.