Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Merits of a Crappy Experience

Most parents want to make their children's lives are as happy as possible.  This is a good thing.  However, trying to shield your child from all discomfort, disappointment and stress is a bad thing.  Your child needs to be able to experience life's disappointments without falling apart or constantly turning to you the parent "to make things okay."

Infants need to know that they can fall, experience some minor discomfort, and deal with the mishap themselves.  "You're okay" is a reassuring way of encouraging the infant or toddler to that he or she is fine and can deal with the discomfort himself.

For the older child, turning the problem back to the child for a solution by asking how he or she plans to deal with it or simply acknowledging that something must be pretty disappointing or embarrassing is sometimes all that is required.

In small increments, children need to learn that they are not entitled to a perfect life, that there will be downs as well as ups, and that they will survive the "downs."  They will not be able to understand this if the parent is constantly shielding the child or solving all of the child's problems.  So, let your children have a crappy experience.  Talk about it with them or give them the privacy and space to deal with it themsleves.  The result will be a self-confident child who does for himself/herself when it is necessary and does not fall apart at the slightest provocation.

1 comment:

  1. ...and when the child learns what a crappy experience is, they'll make sure they give you the parent more than you share.

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