Being (Staying) Single

The Atlantic had a new article about the economy and changing societal mores resulting in women being more economically independent, but having less marriageable men from which to choose.  According to this article, men have greater power in social relationships and fewer are making the decision to enter committed relationships.  This has appeared to be the case based upon Aunt Josie's informal observations also.  The hook-up culture and some men's unwillingness to "commit," given the excess number of attractive single women within their age demographic, is just a modern version of "why buy the cow when the milk is so cheap!" Also fueling this status of thirty-something singledom is the rejection of and refusal on the part of some women in their late twenties and early thirties to consider any potential partner who is not "perfect".  Holding out for a man who will meet all of one's specifications (some being quite arbitrary, e.g., he must be a bicyclist,) also contributes to this unfortunate dynamic.

What should a late thirties single do in the hopes of meeting the one.  First off, live your live.  Don't put off things you want to have or accomplish until you meet someone.  Second, shed the scent of desperation.  Potential partners can smell it a mile away and steer clear!  Don't look for Mr. or Ms. Perfect!  Keep an open mind and allow your relationships to develop in a relaxed natural environment.  Don't reveal too much about yourself too soon.  Potential mates enjoy an aura of mystery and learning slowly about each other.  Be wary of total infatuation.  While sexual chemistry and feeling loved is important, going too fast only to see the relationship crash and burn wastes valuable time as well as emotional resources.

Hold out for someone good.  As my grandmother often said, "Don't throw pearls to swine," meaning place a high value on yourself and don't waste yourself on someone who obviously does not value you.  Let your higher thinking dictate your behavior when you intellectually know that "he's just not that into you."  Don't be afraid to pass and move on.

 Finally, realize that being single has many advantages.  Your time, your resources and your affections are yours to do as you please.  Being trapped in a bad relationship is far worse than finding oneself alone.