There is a dance in which children and their parents participate where children exhibit dependent and independent behaviors as they grow. It is challenging to know how to deal with the child from moment to moment and when to foster one type of behavior over another. For example, when it comes to safety issues for young children, encouraging reliance on parental judgment is a good thing. However, when it comes to peer interactions, the opposite holds true.
It is important to understand that as your child grows, he or she will often exhibit both types of behaviors, sometimes at the same time. This is especially true during toddlerhood and the teenage years. Don't be too quick to reinforce either behavior prior to analyzing what is most beneficial to the child at that stage. However, generally speaking, it is better to err on the side of encouraging independence as the child matures. The toddler who does not want to leave mom and join in the play with the other three year olds should be encouraged to engage in play. The high school student who is afraid to take his driving test for fear of failure or because he or she does not feel quite comfortable in driving around town should be encouraged to acquire his or her license. In both instances, it may be easier for the parent to simply defer and permit the child to follow his natural inclination to hold back. But is it healthy for the child's overall development? You may have to remind the child that he or she needs to make decisions by and for himself because you will not always be around. You may even want to limit your assistance in the thinking process. Figure out what is best for the long-term development of the child, keeping in mind that the the goal is a happy, healthy, resilient adult.
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