The List (and Why It Does Not Work)

So many single men and women have a list of attributes which they demand be present in any potential partner who they are evaluating as serious romantic material.  The attributes can be physical, i.e "he must be over 6 feet tall" or "she must enjoy extreme adventure sports," or emotional, e.g., "he can't be nerdy," "she can't be too demanding." The person being considered may also raise deal-breaker red flags like "he owns a cat" or "she does not shave her legs."  In the very early stages of getting to know a potential mate, the prospect's failure to meet one of the criteria or his or her possession of even one red flag results in their elimination from serious consideration as a romantic partner.

What a waste this is!  Allowing a potential partner the time to reveal themselves as a full person to you with all their warts and wonderful attributes allows people to make realistic decisions over a realistic period of time.  The person who automatically scratches and eliminates based on one or two criteria that they have developed for their "dream mate" potentially loses out on forming a relationship with a very real person who could make him or her happy. 

When she was young Aunt Josie herself often remarked that she would never date a bartender because they got too much romantic action from other women.  Guess what, her husband of over 37 years was a bartender when she met him. 

Giving up height/weight/physical attribute requirements (but nevertheless retaining sexual attraction/compatibility), and surrendering emotional criteria like too bossy, too quiet (while considering intrinsic qualities like kindness and intelligence along with overall interactions between the two of you as a couple) will insure that you do not pass on "the One."  Obviously, the whole package must be considered, but it should be considered over four/five/or six encounters where both parties give the other the opportunity to reveal themselves more fully without intense pressure.  You never know what you might pass on if you never give the other person the chance to get to know you and to allow you to get know them.